


WORST DATE NIGHT EVER

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, liveshows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 16:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15514197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: I'm live on YouNow! Come hang out with Dan and I as we tell you the story of the worst date night ever (warning: you may suffer from some second hand embarrassment so watch at your own risk!)





	WORST DATE NIGHT EVER

“Hello and welcome to the liveshow!” Phil speaks first, leaning a little closer the screen as the chat bursts to life as more and more people join in.  
  
Dan, is sat beside him, silently reading the screen, his eyes darting up and down, he reads out a few hello’s to the usernames that manages to catch his eyes and Phil joins in too,  
  
“Hello everyone!” Phil smiles leaning back away from the screen, “It’s been a while since we did a joint liveshows so we through, why not do one now?” Phil tells the audience and Dan nods along,  
  
“Premium Dan and Phil content.” Dan’s head bobs to each word and Phil just smiles as he tries to read the chat again,  
  
“You both look so good, said Katie – uh, sorry I didn’t catch that last part of your name.”  
  
“Aww, thank you.” Dan bats his eyelashes playfully and Phil huffs out laughter through his nose,  
  
“Thank you Katie! I think this dinosaur jumper is now my favourite thing ever.” Phil leans back a little to show off his chest where a green and blue dinosaur is printed over the black material, using the palms of his hands the rub over it. He continues to rub sensually until Dan snorts with laughter and pushes him away,  
  
“That, uh – yeah no one asked for that.” Dan speaks quickly, looking back at the screen with a smile, and Phil laughs beside him,  
  
“Phil x Dinosaur jumper fic.” Phil mumbles, loud enough for Dan and the rest of the stream to hear and Dan just shakes his head in disapproval, a smile evident on his lips,  
  
“Oh god this is already turning into a nightmare.” Dan laughs and Phil shakes his head,  
  
“Okay, uh,” he leans back in again, bumping shoulders with Dan to read the chat and find something interesting to talk about. His eyes light up when he sees a particular message come up on the screen,  
  
“Oh! Lily asked, ‘how was your weekend away?’” Phil says and turns to Dan to see him drop his head into his hands and let out a loud dramatic sigh.  
  
Phil giggles, his hand on Dan’s back as Dan continues to let out rather long drawn out sound of pain. Phil is about to say something but Dan snaps his head up fast,  
  
“You wanna fucking know how our weekend away was?” He looks directly into the webcam, brows knitted together in a pained expression. Phil continues to giggle softly beside him, his hand still placed firmly on his shoulder.  
  
“Dan-“ Phil attempts to calm him through smiles and a laugh but Dan shakes his head.  
  
“So if you wasn’t aware, last week- it was last weekend wasn’t it?” he asks Phil and Phil nods and Dan just nods back, looking back at the screen again,  
  
“Last weekend, me and Phil,” he stops, gives the screen a look as it suddenly is swarmed with ‘phil and i’ and just sighs, “Phil and I,” he stretches his neck out before Phil pulls him back again, already laughing, “Phil and I went away for a short little trip for our ten year anniversary.” he tells the audience. He pauses to read over a few messages that whizz by,  
  
“Aw, cute. Did you have a lovely time? Did you do anything romati-“ Dan cuts himself off from the high pitched voice he’s put on and snaps his mouth shut,  
  
“No. Listen, okay, this isn’t going to be another lovely cute little story time from Dan and Phil.” Dan warns them, pointing a finger and Phil laughs,  
  
“Oh god it was so bad, I can’t believe – “ But Dan squeals and Phil shuts up quickly,  
  
“Phil, I’m building the story up you can’t just tell them now!” Dan turns to him, flapping a hand around and Phil smiles at him, tongue poking through his teeth as he takes Dan’s flappy hand in his,  
  
“I think you need to calm down.” Phil tells him and Dan just closes his eyes and sucks in a breath.  
  
“Okay,” Dan opens his eyes and turns back towards the screen, “so it’s our ten year anniversary right? Pretty big deal,” Dan says in a calm tone, shrugging his shoulders,  
  
“Yeah.” Phil chimes in beside him,  
  
“So Phil and I, we had this lovely little evening planned out.” Dan stops and turns to Phil,  
  
“I’d like to think that as far as romantic dates go, this one was like, at peak romantic.”  
  
Phil nods, he goes to say something but Dan continues talking, leaving Phil with his mouth slightly open, ready for the words to spill,  
  
“It was a good, solid plan. Date night was gonna be lit.” Dan said, throwing his hands into some obscure hand sign and bites his bottom lip to emphasis.  
  
“Yeah, we’re not really overly romantic people but this night – this night was supposed to be like, the best of the best.” Phil tells the chat with wide eyes and Dan just nods, licking his lips,  
  
“Yeah, exactly, so we were sure that it was gonna go as smooth as heck. Aint nothing gonna ruin this night.” Dan tells the chat, as a small smile forms on his lips,  
  
“Oh shit did he propose?” Dan read from the chat and he laughed,  
  
“Uh, no, no one proposed. Unfortunately.” Dan spoke, a fond smile on his face as his cheeks got just a little pinker.  
  
He cleared his throat, “Um, so yeah, anyways getting back to this absolute banger of a plan that we had. Phil what was the plan?” Dan clicks his fingers and looks to Phil, who pushes his glasses up his nose and smiles at the screen,  
  
“So, the idea was that we had this lovely hotel booked but before that we had a dinner reservation, which was this - oh my god, Dan wasn’t the pasta like, the best thing you’ve ever tasted? I honestly wish I could have stolen some in my shoe or something because it was just –“ Dan gives him a little nudge on the elbow and he clears his throat, giving a small laugh at his own ability to get side-tracked,  
  
“Right, so we had this nice idea of having dinner and then taking a long walk along the beach,”  
  
“Cliché, I know, but you only have a ten year anniversary once, okay.” Dan interrupts, leaning closer to the chat and leaning back again for Phil to continue,  
  
“So,” Phil claps his hands, “dinner, drinks, walk on the beach, and then back to the hotel room.” Phil tells them, “That was the dream date we had in mind.”  
  
Dan drops his head back down again into his lap out of frame and it causes Phil to erupt in giggles again, he pulls Dan back up by his shirt and Dan drags his palms down his face,  
  
“How did it go so wrong, Phil?” his voice cracks in a comedic way and Phil gives a little hiccup of laughter,  
  
“See, the night itself went alright actually.” Phil cocks his head with a smile and Dan pops back up,  
  
“So the dinner? Amazing. 10/10 would die for. The drinks? Yes, mate. The walk along the beach?” Dan pauses to place a hand over his chest and close his eyes gently,  
  
“The walk along the beach was v romantic v cute – a lovely time, wanna say shout out to Phil for, uh, being just a good boyf, really.” He opens his eyes to look back over at Phil. They gaze at each other for a second before they both quickly look back at the chat who is currently spamming with things like ‘CUTE’ and ‘FUCK’ and ‘MY HEART JUST EXPLODED OUT OF MY ASS’.  
  
“So it was going well. Immensely well.” Dan drops his hand back down and shuffles closer to Phil, who nods in agreement.  
  
“So we get back to the hotel,” Phil starts,  
  
“We get back to the hotel,” Dan takes over, “and Phil has booked us this lovely one bed room which has a nice ocean view which was to die for,” Dan moans dramatically,  
  
“Yeah it was gonna have this nice little balcony outside that I’d envisioned us sitting outside in the morning on sipping on freshly squeezed orange juice.” Phil makes a squeezing motion with his hands as he tells the story and Dan shakes his head, pushing Phil’s hands down with his,  
  
“So we get our key,” Dan speaks slowly, “we go to our room. And it is not the room we had thought.”  
  
Phil grimaces, shaking his head, “It was this tiny room with a bed that clearly wasn’t the king size bed I had booked.” Phil shakes his head in disapproval.  
  
“Mr Capital Lester here likes to only have the finest of beds, people, okay? Don’t fuck around with his beds.” Dan holds up a hand and Phil flops back in laughter,  
  
“No, I – well, if I’d paid for a nice room, I’d expected a nice room, right?” Phil sits back up and shrugs at Dan who just shrugs back,  
  
“Well, whatever, I was super upset that this, fancy romantic, honeymoon suite-esque room was a total flop.” Phil said, shaking his head again.  
  
“So we stood there for a solid, what, ten minutes debating if we should go back to the reception and basically have a bit of a bitch about why our room was so shit.” Dan tells them,  
  
“Yeah,” Phil nods, “but we both felt too bad.” Phil frowns but it quickly turns back into a smile as he hides his face with his hands, “Oh my god, Dan, if only we hadn’t been so scared to go ask – “  
  
He stops himself from continuing when Dan places a hand inches away from his mouth,  
  
“Wait.” Dan tells him, deadpanning into the camera, “They can’t just be told this; they need to experience this.”  
  
He lowers his hand and scotches away slightly, clearing his throat,  
  
“So, uh, we decide, fuck the room, basically, in pure Dan and Phil nature and just decide to deal with it,” Dan nods and Phil nods along, “so the, uh, the next part of our big date was, uh –“ he stutters and Phil huffs a laugh beside him,  
  
“To put it in a PG friendly way, we were going to cuddle.” He leans in and Dan just lets his mouth hang open as Phil begins to laugh again,  
  
“Cuddle?” Dan asks, exasperated, “Cuddle? Really, Phil?”  
  
“Yeah! You know, ‘adult cuddling’.” Phil attempts an air quote but ends up using all of his fingers instead. Dan looks down and gives out another tired sigh that ends up turning in a loud laugh,  
  
“Oh god. So yeah, we decided to do some ‘adult cuddling’.” Dan does the air quotes with a smile, “so there we were, on the bed,”  
  
“Which is where the cuddling takes place, obviously.” Phil smiles at the chat that is still going crazy,  
  
“So, like I said, Phil and I, aren’t exactly the gods of romance, so we get right down to business and we’re both ass naked on the bed.”  
  
Phil perks up, “Oh but you did have time to play some Frank Ocean. That’s pretty romantic? Right?”  
  
Dan goes a little red, “Yep you just ruined Frank Ocean for about three thousand people there Phil.” Dan blinks.  
  
“Sorry. Continue.” Phil says whilst he hides a smile,  
  
“So. Imagine it. Or don’t actually. We’re both butt naked on the bed. No, fucki- I mean, cuddling has commenced yet,” Dan says leaning in closer,  
  
“It was just like pre-cuddling.” Phil says and Dan’s eyes widen but he blinks, moving on,  
  
“And we’re like, getting in the romantic vibe, we’re about to do it,” Dan is inching in closer and closer, reading the stream of messages that continue to fly across the screen. Most of them are incoherent keysmashes and Dan finds a smile forming on his lips,  
  
“When suddenly,” Dan says in a low, slow voice, and just jumps back up away from the screen,  
  
“The fucking door flies open. Phil and I look up in absolute horror to find a family of four, stood in the doorway as Frank Ocean’s pink and fucking white plays soothingly, just full on, gaping at these two fully grown men, stark naked on a bed.”  
  
He pauses to read the chat, he shakes his head,  
  
“Yes. You’re all correct. It was very fucking hilarious.” He pursues his lips in mock annoyance.  
  
“It was the worst moment of my entire life.” Phil mumbles from behind his hands, sounding mortified.  
  
“Literally, the single worst moment of our lives.” Dan’s voice cracks again.  
  
“So, we’re standing there for what feels like forever,” Phil pulls his hands away from his face, “when Dan, just, pushes me right off of him.”  
  
Dan pretends to be shocked, “Well, you weren’t moving and I needed to get up and escape so my only way out was to take you down, Phil.” Phil just laughs at him,  
  
“I felt so humiliated. There I was on the floor of this hotel room – that I didn’t even want, my ass and, uh, other things, on show.” Phil raises an eyebrow in knowing but Dan just gives him a little smack on the arm,  
  
“Yes, everything, was on show. Was very traumatising.” Dan says in a deep sigh. They both pause for a moment.  
  
“Those poor kids, Phil. They were like, what, eight and ten?” He looks up at Phil who looks equally as upset as Dan sounds.  
  
“Either way; it was bad.”  
  
Dan nods, “Yeah, awful.” He leans in again to read the chat,  
  
“What happened next? Well after the initial shock, I think Phil threw on my clothes, backwards, mind you and ran after them out the room like a mad person whilst I just rocked back and forth in the corner.” Dan demonstrates as he does a little rocking motion with wide eyes.  
  
“So I ran after them, trying to apologise but they were clearly too upset to even look at me.” Phil explains, and Dan laughs,  
  
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s nothing particularly great about walking in on two people banging it out on a bed with your entire family watching.” Dan giggles and Phil rolls his eyes,  
  
“Don’t say _banging it out_ , Dan.” He says, warning him and Dan just rolls his eyes back at him,  
  
“Right, sorry, adult cuddling.”  
  
“So eventually after everyone’s calmed down and nobody’s eyes are bleeding anymore, and Dan is stood with my clothes on him, we discuss what happened.” Phil says and Dan leans in closer,  
  
“So what Phil means is; the dad yelled at us for fourteen minutes about why the hell we were having sex on his bed.”  
  
“Yeah” Phil says sadly but he laughs, “It was not fun.”  
  
“So here we are, mood is totally killed, standing in the hallway of this very nice hotel with this father and his wife and two innocent children and we’re trying to explain the whole thing.” Dan says, flailing his arms around again, Phil mimics him for a second until Dan catches him doing it in the screen.  
  
“And obviously, we’ve just been humiliated, so we’re feeling defensive.” Dan says, puffing his chest out but Phil laughs at him,  
  
“So when he starts accusing us of porking it up all over his and wife’s bed –“  
  
“Oh my god, Dan, stop.” Phil groans trying to cover his mouth with his hands but Dan ignores him, wiggling away from his efforts,  
  
“I started telling him that it was our room and he walked in on us, you know? How dare this lovely family of four interrupt our special, romantic night?  How absolutely dare they?” Dan raised his voice, getting rather dramatic.  
  
“So Dan and this poor guy are having this very heated discussion –“  
  
“I was ready to friggin fight.”  
  
“- in the middle of the hallway, where anyone could’ve heard us, and Dan clearly thinks he’s right, right?”  
  
Dan shrinks away, letting out, yet another sigh,  
  
“I am so forever embarrassed.”  
  
“When I realised that this mustn’t’ve been our room.” Phil tells them. He waits to watch the chat explode again, mainly people laughing at their expense.  
  
“Yep. Turns out that somehow we’d gotten the key mixed.” Dan shakes his head in shame.  
  
“So we thought our room was just a bit small and crappy but actually it wasn’t our room at all.” Phil says, still smiling, a frazzled look in his wide eyes,  
  
“Yup.” Dan nodded solemnly, popping the p at the end. “Turns out wasn’t our room at all and we’d picked up their keys by mistake. Honestly the cherry on top that is reasons why Dan’s a fail.”  
  
Phil laughed, throwing his head back a bit, “I guess we’re lucky enough he was kind enough to drop it though.” He says, turning to face Dan with a sympathetic smile,  
  
“Yeah, luckily he let us very awkwardly got get our things and leave. And trust me, picking up pants and socks off the floor whilst somebody’s wife is trying to wheel in her and her kid’s suitcases isn’t fun at all.”  
  
Phil just shakes his head. “Very traumatic date night gone very wrong.”  
  
He then squints his eyes to read the chat again, “What happened after that? Oh we just took our stuff, got our keys and made the horrible walk of shame to our real room. Which was really nice actually?” Phil smiles and Dan just slumps his shoulders,  
  
“Yeah the room, our real room was lovely,” he pouts, “shame we never got to use it though.”  
  
Phil gives him a light shove as he laughs, “Oi.”  
  
Dan ignores him and goes back to reading the chat, “Did you not get to finish your perfect date night?” he reads out and gives the camera a deadpanned look as Phil giggled uncontrollably,  
  
“Oh trust me,” Dan spoke with a weary voice, his eyes dark, “the mood after that was very much ruined.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
